the rainbow connection

It’s something that I’m supposed to be...

It’s a funny thing sharing a birthday with someone when that someone is your mom. To think back to 1972, my 24 year old mom went into labor and turned 25 on December 3 and got me as a birthday gift. It began our beautiful special connection. She gave me the middle name “December”, ( my name was almost December Corinne, until they decided that might be too unusual.) Every year, over a homemade cake, with our construction paper birthday crowns on, we would sing “Happy Birthday to you… and me!”

Here are a few things I want you to know about her and what she taught me.

Life isn’t always kind, but don’t let that break you.
She was the kindest type of person, not a mean bone in her body and she devoted her life to being a mom. Life was not always as kind back to her - but she never let that change her. She suffered tremendous loss and tragedy over the years but she always radiated love, positivity, acceptance and a child like spirit of curiosity and fun. I inherited that glass half full outlook on life from her and I am glad I did. I think it makes living a little bit easier.

Bet on yourself.
She was selfless to a fault and spent her life similar to many other women of her generation, devoted to her husband and her children, often putting her own happiness and dreams on the back burner. When her marriage ended in a very difficult divorce, I saw how hard it was for her without a clear way to make a living and support herself. It was a huge reason I chose medicine as a career. I knew I would always have a job and I could always take care of myself and would never have to rely on a man to survive.

But still bet on love.
She taught me to choose my life partner well. After she died I found a collection of “Love Is” clippings from the newspaper. If you grew up in the 70s and 80s, you may remember this weekly cartoon art with little messages about love. Sorting through her things after her death and discovering her little stash of “Love Is” quotes nearly broke me, because I knew that is all she really asked for in this world. Just simple honest love.

These “Love Is” messages that I remember her always showing to me as a kid I think somehow instilled in me the message of what love and marriage should be and I found that in my husband. I chose well I think in part thanks to my mom.

Being a mom really is the best job.
I love being a doctor, but my mom taught me how to do the best job in the world and how to do it really well. My childhood was fun and memorable and because of that I think I knew how to give our girls a magical childhood. I am sorry she never got to meet the beautiful granddaughters she would have loved. They are as much like her as I am.

We shared more than we knew.
Fast forward 27 years after that first December 3, 1972, I found myself once again on labor and delivery, now as an OBGYN physician. Early November 10, 2001, just a month shy of singing for the 28th time “Happy Birthday to you… and me” my husband unexpectedly showed up during my shift to tell me he got the call that my mom had died of ovarian cancer. She was only 54. She dismissed herself and was dismissed by her doctors and was diagnosed too late.

It was the grim harbinger of what was to unfold. I too was dismissed by myself and the doctors I trusted. A month later after losing her I was diagnosed with breast cancer. It wasn't until years later that I learned I did carry the BRCA2 mutation and this was our family “legacy”.

The only option is to keep on going.

My mom taught me that you just take what the universe gives you and live another day. Treasure getting old and adding another candle to that cake. It’s a privilege to age and it is a hell of a lot better than the alternative. When things seemed too brutal and overwhelming over the years, I somehow always found something within myself or maybe from her - to just keep going. I always told myself “this time next year…” and I would finish it with a goal or a positive hope.

Year upon year, with three steps forward and two steps back, my silver linings playbook revealed itself. Stay in the present but believe that the future is hopeful.

And that is the rainbow connection she gave me.

My Gen X readers surely remember the “Muppet Movie”. My mom loved the song performed by Jim Henson as Kermit the Frog during the film’s opening number, where it opens with Kermit sitting alone on a log in the swamp, playing the song on his banjo.

We played that song at her funeral because the lyrics were just the perfect words to describe her spirit. I cannot sing “Happy Birthday to you …and me” anymore because I don’t have my birthday girl here with me. So instead today I will play this song and I will leave the lyrics here with you.

“Why are there so many songs about rainbows
And what’s on the other side?
Rainbows are visions, but only illusions
And rainbows have nothing to hide

So we’ve been told, and some choose to believe it
I know they’re wrong, wait and see
Someday we’ll find it, the rainbow connection
The lovers, the dreamers, and me

Who said that every wish would be heard and answered
When wished on the morning star?
Somebody thought of that, and someone believed it
Look what it’s done so far

What’s so amazing that keeps us stargazing
And what do we think we might see?
Someday we’ll find it, the rainbow connection
The lovers, the dreamers, and me

All of us under its spell
We know that it’s probably magic
Have you been half asleep, and have you heard voices?
I’ve heard them calling my name
Is this the sweet sound that calls the young sailors?
The voice might be one and the same

I’ve heard it too many times to ignore it
It’s something that I’m supposed to be

Someday we’ll find it, the rainbow connection
The lovers, the dreamers, and me”